2 mile run

Last night when I got off work at 8pm I was grumpy. stressed. and had a million thoughts running thru my head...so I announced to my family I was going to go for a run.
I changed. I hopped in our car and drove around till I had a 2 mile route mapped out around our house. Came home, stretched and off I went. and it felt great! Great to be outside. Great to clear my head. Great to feel my body working like that. and Great because I could do it without stopping and did it at a steady pace. Not bad for someone who couldn't hardly go up a flight of stairs not so long ago.

I am stressed and grumpy alot lately. I used to like my job. Back when we lived in IL and I worked in the office. My job because of the great job I did allowed me to keep it when I followed my husband to Minnesota so he could pursue full time ministry. So I started working from home 3 years ago and was so thankful to my company for allowing me to do that. It allowed us to pursue his dream...and keep income coming in and my health insurance benefits. I have worked from home now in Minnesota, then Colorado and now in Indiana. In Minnesota and Colorado I had to keep this job...we lived in very small communities with no real job opportunities for me. and I HATE working from home. Hate hate hate it. I am a people person...and miss people bad. In minnesota and Colorado though I got out of the house to the church alot and was around people. Now that we live here though and my hubby has a normal job..we are not getting out around people. We don't know anyone yet. AND my company required me starting in Jan to change my hours to cover later hours..since I have the "benefit" of working from home, it was decided that I would be the one to make the hour change. I have to work 11 to 8 now. So...I am so much more miserable than I was before. I HATE working till 8 pm. It's getting really nice out here and my whole family is home and I am down in my office working. UGH! So, I updated my resume..and started sending it out....and jobs I am qualified for in this area pay less then I am making now. And with my hubby taking such a big pay cut we can't afford me to make less. I am stuck. stressed. feeling hopeless. and I HATE feeling powerless.

Boy...I needed to dump. Thanks for listening..

Here is what the camera sees

and someday I hope I see this reflection in the mirror....I still see the Susie weighing in at 250+

FRUSTRATED! My Scale is a PAIN in my Caboose!

I am sooooo sick of struggling with the same few pounds...
My scale has been bouncing between 169 to 173 for 2 months now and it's flipping DRIVING ME CRAZY!
I can't seem to break out of the 170's and get firmly into the 160's and quite frankly I am starting to get pissed. And thats a strong word for me! ha!
I have been working out like crazy and I can tell in my clothes a huge difference but the fricken scale is being a stubborn pain in my caboose!
So...here is my plan.
*I am back to journaling every single bite, lick and taste that finds its way in my mouth.
* I am back to being accountable on my blog and quit avoiding it cuz I have messed up, or don't feel like I have anything to share
* I will quit being satisfied with what I have lost and become HUNGRY to get the rest off like I was in the beginning.
* I will no longer look at weekends like it's free for all time and allow myself to cheat! (that is my problem I think)
* No more special coffee at night (coffee with sugar and baileys irish cream! fattening!)

I am getting back to the basics! I will NOT give up! I CAN DO THIS!
I want to be goal weight (155) by July 4th!

Here is a quick update on me...and life...and my band...
I have GOT to get back to blogging and being accountable..I don't know whats been wrong with me lately...

Life:
* Living in Indiana and being out of ministry is the best decision we have ever made. Yes, we are broke because he had to take a low paying job because the economy is so bad and he is not working in his "profession"...but we are Happy! Happy to be normal. Happy not to be watched. Happy to not be judged. Happy to have our weekends together as a family and not be working all weekend long.
* We have been busy painting and fixing up our little house we bought...and I love being a homeowner again. There is just something about working on your house and dreaming about fixing it up and knowing you can do whatever you want (provided you have the $ lol)...I am enjoying my little fixer upper

Me:
* I am struggling to see my true reflection in the mirror. I don't always see the truth. It sometimes takes peoples comments or me seeing a picture of myself for me to realize I have changed.
* Losing this weight has seemed to make me somewhat different. and while I know some of the changes are good (more self confident, speaking up for myself)...some are kind of scary...but I am working on coming to terms with all of it...
* One thing to is how I am treated now is so different...people open doors for me, the attention from men is something I am not used to....it feels good at times..and other times it really makes me mad that people discriminate against fat people...and I didn't even realize it till I lost weight how much different I have been treated for so long...

Band:
* I am up 2lbs from my all time low of 169...but it's coming off, just much slower since I am lifting weights. But I love the definition I am getting and how my body is changing. I am not losing weight like I was...but the inches are coming off.
* I haven't had a fill since we moved in December. But I don't need one. My eating is for the most part under control....I can feel myself getting full and being satisfied with small amounts of food. I am just learning to be disciplined and stop when I feel full. Since I have moved away from my Dr I will no longer be able to get free fills..so I want this fill to last me my last weight to lose hopefully.

I am off to read a whole bunch of blogs and catch up on the rest of you! I have missed everyone and am ready to get back on here every day. together we can do this!

Have a great weekend everyone!