I sometimes feel that my biggest enemy on my journey to a new me is myself.
The voices in my head.
Saying things like:
You will never reach this goal.
Once you lose all your weight you will just gain it all back.
You are close enough, just stop and enjoy yourself.
You are a failure.
I try to ignore these voices. I turn up the music. Or workout extra hard. But sometimes no matter what I do they just don't stop.
For the last 3 years we were in the spotlight being in ministry. And I was judged. For every word I said. For how I raised my girls. For how I dressed. For the people I talked to and the people I didnt' talk to. For what I was seen shopping for in walmart. Every move I made. Judged. Since we left ministry in January I have been to church 3 times. Thats it. You could say I am bitter. The bible says we are supposed to be known for our love...but instead what the church has shown the world is how well we judge others. And boy did I experience that in the last church we were in. And I feel like I failed. The reason I was being watched was because I got a tattoo. I made soup for some friends of ours from the church and *gasp* I used beer in the recipe.....which I guess makes me a huge sinner and my husband almost got fired over. It was beer cheese soup....umm, hello the alcohol cooks out?? Duh. But anyway, I am saying all this to say is I judge myself more now then I ever did. Because I feel like I failed. I wasn't a good pastors wife. I let the whole church down. I wasn't what they wanted. So on top of the voices judging me for my weight...I now have voices constantly telling me I am not good enough. That I am a failure. I should have pretended to be something I wasn't.
How do you start to like yourself? How do you silence the voices in your head? Thats what I need to start working on....