I am grumpy...but do have some news to share

Well, 1st let me start off by sharing something I found at the grocery store last night.

I love cereal. and I haven't been eating it because I am trying to eat food that is higher in protein. But last night while strolling thru the cereal deptartment and drooling, I stumbled across Special K High Protein cereal. I never knew they made it....it's got 10grams of protein in 3/4 of a cup, add your skim milk and thats a pretty good breakfast protein amount...thought I would pass that on in case you guys didn't know they made that cereal either.

I am grumpy today, for many reasons.....maybe venting will make me feel better.

*I wanna be skinny. today. I (like Amy) seem to be seeing skinny people everywhere...sometimes I just wanna slap them. Can anyone else relate?? ha!

*I want restriction. today. This 2nd surgery is really setting me back, I should have had like 3 fills by now and working on #4....

*I am frustrated that I haven't lost 40lbs yet. or more. It seems to be taking forever. I know it's not....but remember, I am grumpy and I am venting.

*I am hurt, upset, ticked at my family. Just because they don't agree with our decision to move away and pursue ministry...doesn't give them the right to treat my kids like this. They don't acknowledge their birthdays, nothing. And didn't call, send a card, nothing for Christmas. It hurts sooo bad, and it's not fun explaining to my daughters why grandma & grandpa treat us this way

*I am getting loose hair in my hands when I wash. and a comb full of hair when I comb my hair. It's freaking me out. It didn't start till I had to have that 2nd surgery to flip my port back over. that 2nd surgery really stressed my body out. big time. and the hair thing is scaring me. big time. I wanna be skinny, but not bald and skinny

*before I had my surgery I asked, and asked and asked again, if my dr was in network for my insurance plan. and 3x told yes. My insurance processed his bill as if he was out of network. I have been working with my insurance for weeks over this and because he goes by 2 different tax id's, one for lapband and one for regular surgery, my claim is considered out of network because his tax id for lapband surgery is not in network. so out of his $5000 bill they are only paying 2thousand. for us right now, 3000 is ALOT of $...so I am super stressed out about this. If you have been following my blog you know that my husband had to do internship for ministry for 15 months without pay. That wiped out our savings and to survive as a family of 4 on just my income was hard. We are slowly getting out of that hole we had to dig, but nowhere close to being out yet, and this unexpected bill is going to be really hard for us.

So yeah, guess that about sums up why I am grumpy today. I am hoping to get off work, get to bed early, and wake up in a better mood tomorrow. Thanks for listening.

I've got the Christmas is over blues

I am always so upset when Christmas is over. I still have my tree up, and am still listening to my christmas music, but I know after this weekend, the Holidays are over....and I always get blue. I LOVE this time of the year, and Christmas, and I hate that it's over.

We had a nice Christmas, it just comes and goes so quickly. I did get a little sad, well alot sad, when the day was over and I realized I didn't get a call, a card, nothing from my family. It's so hard to explain to my girls why their Grandma & Grandpa don't call them, or write to them...it's soo sad.

On the eating front, I didn't pig out...but I also didn't do as well as I should have. I shouldn't have made cookies, that was my first mistake. Also, we were given baskets of goodies from people....having fudge and homemade cookies, and cinnamon rolls, etc was sooo tempting to me. I did eat cookies, way too many, but during all the meals I ate small portions. I didn't eat near the amount that I usually do at Christmas. I also decided to allow myself christmas weekend to not count calories or feel guilty over indulging a little. I weighed myself this morning, and up a pound....so I'm not upset, I will lose that lb easily and I am back on track officially today. I gave away all the rest of the goodies we had in the house, threw some away and no there is none left.

I am also back to exercising again today. I always feel sooo good after a workout, so I can't wait for that feeling. I get off work in 2 hours, then I am working out.

I did have some great NSV this weekend. I fit back into two shirts I had in my closet, both were size 18 and they buttoned up...and they both fit me! I also fit into an 1x sweater, and an XL sweater...woohoo! I was told this weekend at church that my face looked thinner and that I looked skinnier...that made me feel good. I can tell myself now that I am losing. I don't hide from the camera as much, I am feeling good, and have more energy. I will post some pics of my family taken over christmas in my next blog. I am also going to make some goals and will be posting those soon, for accountability.

I hope everyone had a great Christmas!

The stitches are out, and I am feeling much better

My Dr appt went just fine last Friday. He said I am healing nicely, no sign of infection and he took the stitches out. I was cleared to resume exercise..so hoping to get that in tonight. He didn't want to give me another fill though yet, till some of the swellling goes down...so my next fill appt is Jan 5th. I do tell though that I have some restriction...just not enough. I lost 2.5 lbs last week...I am ok with that...finally the scale moved. So now to keep it moving...and around the Holidays, that will be hard..but thats my goal!

I sure wish we had some snow....It's depressing to me to not have snow at Christmas. I see it up in the mountains all around us..but none here where we live. I never thought I would not have snow living in Colorado, but we live on the wrong side of the Mountain. But oh well....I am still going to make the best of it, and am hoping to have an amazing Christmas. and I hope you all do as well.

Merry Christmas!

I am kinda scared for my Dr appt tomorrow

Well, tomorrow is my follow up appt at my Dr's office to get my stitches out from my 2nd surgery last Thursday. I am still sore...but much better than I was. I am still really swollen too...it looks like I have a hump coming out of my stomach...

I really really hope this doesn't hurt, I am still really scared of his office...last week hurt so bad. I'm not a wimp when it comes to pain either...but yeah, it hurt. I also want another fill, but am scared to get it...I don't know what I will do if this port flips again, or I have more complications. I don't even know if he will give me one considering I am bruised beyond belief, and swollen, and just had surgery to have it flipped.

I guess I will have to keep relying on my willpower...which is working, for now. But the whole reason I had the surgery is because I need help. My willpower only lasts for so long....

My scale is finally moving again, so thats some good news in light of all the bad news I have had lately. I am really missing exercising...I love that "high" after I get done with a good workout. I am hoping to be cleared to start working out again next week.

I will post more after my Dr appt tomorrow. Wish me luck.

Well...ended up needing a 2nd surgery

Well...if you have been reading my blog you know whats going on. I went in for my 2nd fill, the dr tried and tried and couldn't do it. Went and had Xray done to confirm that it hadn't flipped...and it hadn't. The Dr tried to do the fill under xray and again couldn't do it. He had me come in last Thur to do what he thought would be a 15 min procedure to fix whatever was going on with my port....it ended up turning into a 2 hour surgery, in his office. My port was covered with scar tissue...so much so that it weighted my port down and caused it to flip. They numbed my tummy and went in and discovered it after they opened me up. Because I was already opened he went ahead and did the surgery while I was in his office...and it hurt. really bad. They had to open me up quite a bit to scrape all the scar tissue off and flip my port around. Because I was in his office, they couldn't put me out...they could only keep it numb...but I could still feel alot, and hear it...and it hurt. I am so sore...it hurts worse than my original surgery..the opening is so big. I was on bedrest all weekend and on pain pills. I am back to work today, but am still really sore...and boy am I swollen. My stomach looks disgusting..it's huge, black and blue with a huge cut. I go back Friday to have my stitches taken out. He did a fill while he was in there...I am feeling some restriction..but not enough. I am just hoping and praying nothing like this happens again. He attached my port in 3 spots to my stomach muscle....
All I want is to start feeling better..and start losing again..and feel restriction.

My horrible experience trying to get my 2nd fill

It's been a rough few days...here is what is going on.

Last Friday I had an appointment to get my 2nd fill. I wasn't really nervous as my first fill was pretty easy with little pain. The Dr came in, congratulated me on my weight loss and got me up on the table. He tried and tried to give me the fill, but couldn't find the center of my port. He used 3 different needles trying, and ended up bending all 3. He just couldn't find it no matter what he tried or did. He tried for 30 min, by which time I was really sore & hurting. He was afraid that maybe my port had flipped, so he sent me to the hospital for xrays. They came back normal...but boy was I scared. By Saturday morning I had bruises all over my stomach from the needle and his pushing. He set up an appt for me yesterday at the hospital to do my fill under xray, so he could see what is going on. I went yesterday, and experienced the same thing as Friday. Even with the xray you could see my port and the needle but everytime he tried the port would "float" and he couldn't get it in. the xray showed my port just moving all over. Again, the pain and the bruising and the pushing. But I'm tough and never complained. I just want my fill....so I can have some restiction and start my weight loss moving again. He tried and tried, and couldn't get it. So now, on Thursday I am going to his office and he is going to cut me open where my port is, and take a look to see what is going on and see if he can stabilize my port...he doesn't really know why this is happening, but said he can fix it and will fill me up while he is in there. I am a little nervous about this....I will be numb in that area that he is doing it, but I will be awake and will be able to feel the tugging and pulling...and after the numb stuff wears off I will be pretty sore. he said I will have to be really careful because by opening it back up, I will be at risk for infection. I don't understand what has changed from my first fill 2 weeks ago till now....I just want this to be over with and get a fill. I am a little scared, and nervous.

Some new pictures 30 lbs down

I can see a difference from my last pictures to these, I wish I could do them side by side, but I can't figure it out. But gosh, I still have a long way to go!