Friday, October 29, 2010

me, my band, and I

Its been awhile since I have had the time to this will probably be a random mush of stuff...

As I posted last time, it's been a year since my surgery. Having the surgery was the best decision I have ever made. It has changed me in so many ways. And while I am still not at my goal weight, I am getting close. My ticker says 160lbs for my goal, and I really need to update that....once I decide what my goal weight is. I know I want to be less than 160...but when I picked that number it seemed so out of reach, I thought if I could make it there I would be fine. I am thinking somewhere around 150...but I haven't fully decided yet. Band wise I had another fill on Tuesday. He asked me how much I wanted and I said that is what he gave me. I am feeling much more restriction..which is what I needed for sure. My weight loss had slowed down I am really hoping this fill will get things moving again. I went shopping at Kohls last into a size 10pair of jeans...and a medium sweater. I tell you, that is just such a great feeling...I got 3 new pair of pants, and 3 new shirts. I need so much more than that..but I was lucky I scrounged up the $ for what I got.

In other news..I am still pretty down. Things have just been tough. Very tough. and stressful. I can't really share too much for fear someone from the church will stumble on to my blog somehow..but lets just say, the way we are being treated is not hurts...and its getting old. I am getting so burned...and burned out...and its affecting us. our kids. our lives. How many times do you turn the other cheek? How much more can we bear and stay whole? How many more ways can we be stretched without breaking? I honestly think these things are why I am so consistent with my workouts....they relieve me of my stress...and when I am punching and kicking ....I feel in control...and I feel great, and my stress is gone for however long I work out for. But, since I can't work out 24/7, I need to figure out how some things can change. My oldest asked me why I have been so grumpy lately. I feel myself drawing away...seperating myself from people when we are in public situations. I don't want to make small talk. I haven't been answering my phone either...I don't want to talk to people. Just my hubby and my girls. I am trying to shake myself out of this... We have this whole weekend's only our 2nd weekend off in 2 years. I am going to get to sleep in 2 days in a row..and not have to go anywhere...I am so looking forward to a peaceful weekend at home..away from stress, and problems, and the drain of constanly trying to pretend that I am peachy keen and happy.

And one last thing...a question for those of you with you find yourself cold? I am almost constantly hands and feet turn purple...I am just cold almost all the time....I asked both my regular dr and my band dr, and all they have said is my body has to adjust from losing the weight....but I don't know if thats it? I mean it's been a year long does it take to adjust? Anyone else struggling with this?


  1. I so understand the cold thing. Here is Australia it is spring, so we have just about finished with all the cold weather for the year. I would have to say it was the coldest winter I have ever experienced, and I have only lost 30 kilos, I have another 30 - 40 to go, so next year should be interesting :o)

    I heard somewhere that it has to do with the reduced calories we are consuming. All calories are units of energy and energy keeps us warm. less intake and there is less heat generated, or something like that.

    All I can say is I really felt it and winters are fast becoming my not so favourate season anymore.

  2. Last year after surgery I was cold all the time. Everyone thought it was because I was losing my "blanket" and that I would adjust. When spring and summer came around I was back to being hot all the time so figure I had adjusted. Well I am now sittign here with thermals under my clothes, two sets of socks and I am freezing!

    I think Sam is right. The less calories I eat the colder I am. Which makes sense since "calorie" is actually a unit of heat or energy. The less we consume on a regular basis the less our body is converting to energy and the less heat created. I think that as we go into maintainance mode and up our calories some we will adjust. However, we will have less body fat so it might take a while to completely adjust.

  3. Yup yup, the girls above have it in a nutshell - and I'm with you. I was FREEZING this winter - like never before. I usually feel the cold anyway, but without my 'thermal fat blanket' I was colder than ever before.

    Sorry things are still getting you down. I get the part where you said you are withdrawing. I get like that too sometimes. Who wants that stuff encroaching on your free time or worse.. at home. You do whatever it is you have to do to give you peace of mind and the rest can go st**f themselves. xxx