5 hour road trip over mtns to Denver+15 passenger van+teenagers+weekend long conference+me & hubby+fast food all weekend=my upcoming weeken

I am a little nervous..but also excited..for my upcoming weekend.

My hubby and I are leaving in the morning for a weekend conference called "Acquire the Fire" in Denver for our youth group. Its a huge weekend long conference for teens with speakers & concerts..will probably easily be 10000 teens or more.We have about 12 kids from our youth group we are taking. We leave early tomorrow morning, and won't return until late Sunday night. We will be eating fast food for every meal all weekend long. I am excited to get out of town, to spend time with some of the amazing teenagers in our youth group, and see them get excited at the conference. But I am nervous about what I will eat all weekend long. I DO NOT want to gain weight this weekend..I want to keep that scale moving down, down, down. I am nervous about not having a scale all weekend..and also there will be no time to work out as the weekend will be super busy.
I have a feeling we will be eating taco bell and mcdonalds pretty much all the time, as the teens won't have alot of $ to spend on meals. Any suggestions on good things to choose at these places? I don't really eat fast food much anymore...

Last nights battle: Susie (me) vs Ben & Jerry's Mud Pie Ice Cream

Ok, so last night I was feeling kinda down and in the dumps...actually the whole day yesterday I was feeling that way.
For one my husband is away on a business trip...and I hate when he is gone. It's really hard here when he is gone...living here in Colorado away from family & friends is hard enough when he's around, when he is gone, it's miserable. I didn't work out yesterday...so that makes me feel like a failure...plus working out just makes me feel better about myself. I had a bad day at work ystrday...I know I say this alot but I truly hate my job. I hate working from home...I am a people person, so to be stuck at home all day with no interaction sucks. So anyway, I was grumpy, depressed and feeling sorry for myself. But I wanted to make it a nice girly night for my girls....and they said they wanted to watch a movie and get some snacks.
So off to the store we went and they decided on ice cream...and while waiting while they picked out what they wanted I saw a new flavor by Ben & Jerry...called MUD PIE. Oh my gosh...it's chocolate coffee Irish cream liquor flavored ice cream with chocolate cookie ribbon through out...and I bought it. Came home, got settled in my sweats and all the while telling myself I deserved this. It will make me feel better. We turned on the movie (the new twilight movie) and I got my spoon and dug in. After about 3 min into the movie looking at the beautiful skinny actress and thinking gosh I wanna look like that, I put the lid on the ice cream and stuck it in the freezer...I had only eaten like 5 bites. I decided ice cream would NOT make everything better. This is huge for me...I have always turned to food for comfort....I won the battle...at least last nights battle. and I enjoyed the rest of the movie with my bottle of water feeling guilt free!

Have a great Wednesday everyone!

Oops, I just realized I passed by my 6month banded mark

I just realized that it's been a little over 6 months since I got my band...I am just plugging away day to day, and totally blew right by my bandiversary without even noticing, until I read Kristen's 6 month blog and she got banded right after me...

So, lets see...6 months ago I got banded. Would I do it again? You bet! 100% yes! I am down 63lbs..and while I wish that could be a higher number...I am happy to have 63lbs gone forever! Every day I feel better, stronger, more confident...and in control.

What has changed:
* I am working out 5x a week....and I Love exercise! Yesterday for example I did 30 min high intensity cardio biggest loser workout, followed by 20 min workout with weights, followed by 10 min ab workout. Then last night I went on a bike ride for 1 hour. I wouldn't have lasted 10 min doing any of that 6 months ago.
* I can cross my legs!
* I no longer have to shop in the plus side of the store!
* I feel better about myself, I am more confident, I am not hiding as much as I used to
* I no longer run or hide when I see a camera
* I no longer worry about fitting into booths or seats

What I want to happen in the next 6 months:
* I want to lose the rest of my weight that I want to lose
* I want to continue to workout and get some of this flab firmed up
* I want to get a 2nd tattoo
* I want to try on a bikini..and look good in it!
* I want to try to ride a roller coaster and not worry about fitting in the seat
* Once I am at my goal weight...I want to go on a big shopping trip and buy myself a bunch of clothes!

I love love love my band! Getting banded was one of the best decisions I have ever made!

Great weekend..and some NSV's and a SV

I will start off by telling you that my Dr appt for my fill on Thursday went really well. When the Dr walked in the room, he really reacted to how I looked. He said he could really see huge changes in my face and figure..he really complimented me and said I was doing a great job. He gave me 1cc fill and said he thinks that should put me close to my sweet spot....I don't know if I am there yet, since it's only been a couple of days, but I am noticing I am requiring less to get full, and staying full longer so far.

On Saturday, my family went shopping to get some new summer clothes. I absolutely am getting to a desperate situation in my closet. I am down to 2 pr pants...I really have no shirts except tshirts that fit, and those are getting to big to continue to wear, and I have one dress. I couldn't afford to get much, but got a few things. And everything I tried on fit...and was normal sized, no more plus sizes for me!!! I got 2 cute summer dresses in size XL. I got a 3 new shirts, 1 size L and 2 in XL. I just can't hardly believe I am shopping on the normal side of the store and fitting into the clothes. I didn't buy any pants...I just didn't want to spend what they cost at Kohls for pants, rather go to walmart to buy cheap ones since they hopefully won't fit long. I just can't afford to keep buying clothes....I don't know what I am going to do....since I live in a smaller town we don't have good thrift shops or anything like that. I need to go to some garage sales maybe...

At church Sunday, I got sooo many nice compliments about my weight loss. It feels so great that people are really noticing, and saying things.

And since my fill Thur, I am down 2lbs.....I wanna keep that scale moving down! I have 7 more lbs to lose by May 17th to reach my next goal of 70lbs down. So hoping I will reach that and reach it before May 17th!!!

I hope everyone has a great week with lots of lbs going bye bye!

my new pink bike = sore butt

Thanks so much for the kind words and support about my Grandma passing away. It's been hard..but I am taking it a day at a time...

My husband took me shopping and got me a pretty new bike. We are wanting to exercise together as a family, and thought bike riding would be a great way to do it...I absolutely love my bike, it's so pretty...but man oh man....my girls and I went on a 2.5 mile bike ride yesterday and holy moly is my butt sore. And my seat on my bike is not one of those narrow hard ones..it's a little bit wider than that and soft...so why is my butt so stinking sore? LOL...do I need to develop butt callouses??

On the lapband front..still holding steady at 61lbs down. And still not feeling much restriction. I have no problems eating bread or eating fast. I fight hard for every lb I lose...I am really hoping today my fill gets me some assistance...some restriction.

My Grandma died

I am sorry I haven't posted in awhile...

things have been pretty hard around here...

My grandma died Sunday morning. It's my dad's mom..and my dad hasn't spoken to me in over a year...I have decided not to attend the funeral, for various reasons. 1st I can't really afford it, I would have to fly and the ticket prices are crazy expensive. 2 Randy (my husband) couldn't go with me, his boss won't give him the time off, and 3 it would be awkward and weird to be there since my family doesn't talk to me.

I am grieving at home on my own....It's been hard...but I am getting thru it....

My inquiring mind (yes I am nosy) wants to know...so spill...

What is a typical day in your world?
If I could follow you awesome, pretty, skinny & successful bandsters around for a day....what would I see you eat? and drink? I'm curious...what do you eat for your meals? Snacks? Amounts? and Times?
I am hoping to gain some wisdom to help me get my scale moving consistently down......
And if you exercise...how long? how often? and what do you do?

so please...share your secrets :)

60 lbs down...finally!

I finally hit 60lbs down! I am sooo excited and happy. I stood on the scale and cried!

I am already looking ahead for my next goal....70lbs down by May 17th.

Have a great day everyone!

Random Friday Rantings....changing the outside=inside changing?

I am kinda in a funk...this post may not make much sense, but just got some stuff I need to unload...and here I go in no particular order.

First off, scale wise...why oh why is my scale again taking forever to move. I am .5 away from 60 down...and have been there for like a week now...ugh, I tell you, it's sooo frustrating when you are doing everything right and that stupid scale just won't move!!!

I have been working out on avg 5x a week. I bought Jillian Michaels Shred dvd and usually do that workout 2x a week, and then do zumba the rest of the time. For the last 2 days I have progressed to Day 2 on the Shred DVD...that thing kicks my butt. It is an intense workout..but I love it!! I feel strong when I push myself to keep going...I can't believe how much I love to work out now..when before I hated it.

I feel myself changing...on the inside, as I am changing my outside. It's kind of scary...does anyone feel/experience this? I find myself more vocal. More intense. My moods are louder, if that makes sense. There are positive aspects to it, I am more confident...but I am usually such a people pleaser, and as I am losing weight, I am finding myself wanting to please me first...and that is totally not me. And at times it scares me. I have for so long always tried to please others, even if it meant doing things I didn't want to do, or changing things I didn't want to change...and lately my attitude has been, if you don't like it, I don't care. Oh my gosh, just typing that makes me feel guilty. These big mood swings..and changes in me....are really kind of freaking me out. I am afraid of who I am becoming...I don't want be a mean selfish person..but I do think I need to think of myself every once in awhile, I sure hope I can learn to balance all of this.

I am also finding myself evaluating things more as I lose more weight. I used to spend so much time consuming my thoughts with diets to try, counting calories, or stuffing my face, that I didn't have much time to think about anything else. and don't get me wrong, I still find myself thinking about how much I have eaten, did I workout, what will the scale show tomorrow...but it's becoming less consuming as time goes on...and I have free time to actually think about other things. Things I have stuffed deep and buried are starting to come out....and while this to can be a positive thing, it's also hard and painful. Things like the fact that I really hate my current job situation...while the job I have is not so bad, the fact that I have to work from home I hate. I am a people person...and I hate being in my home office all day every day alone. And since we have only lived here in Colorado for a year, and I am stuck at home, or working at the church, means I know no one here. I have no friends. and no real opportunity to get to know people either. Yes at the church I know people...but I can't really become friends with them, and share on a deep level, because of the position my husband holds at the church. I miss people. I miss having friends. I am really missing having a life....a normal life. I am really struggling lately with the fact that I am watched.....I never knew it would be like this. When I am out shopping, if I run into someone from the church, they are looking to see what is in my shopping cart, or how I deal with my kids in public....or how I am dressed.....at times it can just be such an overwhelming feeling....yesterday I cried all day long....

Well I want to end on a positive note. So, today is Friday! Thank God. I get off at 5, then get to spend the night at home with my family, and I am excited for that. I WILL get that .5 off this weekend, hit 60 lbs down, and start working towards my next goal of 70lbs down. For my reward when I hit 60lbs down I am treating myself to a tanning package...good bye white pasty skin :) Have a great weekend everyone!

a HUGE NSV for me

I had such an amazing weekend...that I hated the dreaded Monday to come. But let me share my exciting news with you.

On Saturday, my hubby and I ran to JC Penny's because I had to get something to wear to church Easter Sunday. I was going to have to be on stage singing and I don't hardly have any church clothes right now that fit, they are all too big. So...I don't like going shopping...normally....I hate trying to find something to fit me, I hate trying clothes on...I usually get depressed.

Well, I headed straight to the plus sizes..because that is where I have shopped for sooooo long. I looked at what they had in dresses, and didn't see anything I liked. So I strolled over to the normal side of the store. and saw a really cute dress in an 18. Not plus 18, no W behind the size...just a straight normal size 18. I thought what the heck, I will try it on. And it fit. and it looked great. and I bawled. and so for once, my shopping trip was done in 20 min, the first dress I liked, fit....

And yesterday, I loved how I felt...I felt confident, normal and pretty in my dress. And I got alot of compliments!

It was a great Easter weekend. Now to lose this .5lb to get me to 60 down!

Stress Stress go away!

Last night was one of the best nights I have had for such a long time....

Things in my life have been crazy stressful. Being in ministry is tough. My husband is always busy, and it seems I am too. I work full time, am a mom to my 2 girls, am a wife to my husband, am considered on staff at the church, so have a ton of responsiblities there, and then help my husband with youth ministry, we have about 35 kids in the youth group now, and while I love it, it keeps us hopping..and some of the teens are going thru some really tough stuff...so we get texts & calls all the time....they need to cry, talk, need advice, etc. But the most stressful thing lately is being "watched" all the time...by the adults in the church, they have certain expectations, and lately I have done a few things (the huge one being that I got a tattoo) that has caused some huge issues....so anyway...my hubby and I haven't had alot of time together to just relax and spend time not talking church/ministry/life stuff.

Last night we got dressed up. We went out to eat. Went shopping and got our girls easter basket stuff. And then we snuggled in bed watching movies. It was the perfect night! It felt sooo good to just be together.....

Weight loss wise...I am still at 59lbs down, was hoping to hit 60 today...but thinking last nights dinner, (steak) and sharing the starbucks ice cream in bed defeated that as the scale stayed the same today. But I was proud of my choices & restraint last night. We did the applebees 2 for 20, so our starter was mozzerella sticks, I ate 2. I ordered 7 oz steak, had about 3-4 oz and gave my hubby the other half, ate about 1/4 cup of the mashed potatoes and a few broccoli spears. I was satisfied.

I will get that lb off...hopefully by Monday! I am looking forward to a great weekend, we will be busy...but are going to make sure we start making "us" time a priority! Last night was just what I needed...I feel so much more relaxed today.....
Have a great weekend everyone!