Sometimes....life sucks....and I failed...

I failed a portion of the assessment test...therefore even though my phone interview went great, and they were thrilled with my performance on the questionaire worksheet...I am no longer being considered for the position. and with tears streaming down my face and my heart in little pieces I told my hubby...and he was glad I failed.... UGH! I knew he didn't want me working there. I knew he didn't like the fact I would be working Saturdays which cut into family time...I knew all that...I didn't need to know anymore about his take on the job...what I did need was to be held, to be comforted, to be told I am not a failure because I failed the test... I have really been down in the dumps. This has really pushed me into a funk and I can't seem to shake out of it. Did I want this job more than I realized? Or has everything just kinda caught up to me and this was the final thing that pushed me into a dark place? I don't know but I am scared. I have never felt this way before. Alone. Defeated. Lonely. I have a husband who supports me (except for this last instance). I have 2 beautiful amazing girls that I love. I have lost a lot of weight and gained myself in its place. Why can't I shake this? Why am I struggling to smile, to laugh, to feel happy? Why are tears constantly running down my face? I haven't eaten for the last 2 days...been drinking protein shakes...a ton of water and some coffee....you'd think the scale would show that, but no of course not, it shows I have gained! UGH! So even when I am depressed and not eating, my scale has to be nasty to me too? How can I gain if I am not eating! Usually I can plaster a smile on my face and fake it till I get my happy back...but right now I don't have the energy to even fake it... I honestly don't know what to do. I really feel like a failure right now. I feel a heaviness bearing down on me. I just want to lay in bed in a dark room and be left alone. I don't feel like me anymore..