Wednesday, April 13, 2011 sucks....and I failed...

I failed a portion of the assessment test...therefore even though my phone interview went great, and they were thrilled with my performance on the questionaire worksheet...I am no longer being considered for the position. and with tears streaming down my face and my heart in little pieces I told my hubby...and he was glad I failed.... UGH! I knew he didn't want me working there. I knew he didn't like the fact I would be working Saturdays which cut into family time...I knew all that...I didn't need to know anymore about his take on the job...what I did need was to be held, to be comforted, to be told I am not a failure because I failed the test... I have really been down in the dumps. This has really pushed me into a funk and I can't seem to shake out of it. Did I want this job more than I realized? Or has everything just kinda caught up to me and this was the final thing that pushed me into a dark place? I don't know but I am scared. I have never felt this way before. Alone. Defeated. Lonely. I have a husband who supports me (except for this last instance). I have 2 beautiful amazing girls that I love. I have lost a lot of weight and gained myself in its place. Why can't I shake this? Why am I struggling to smile, to laugh, to feel happy? Why are tears constantly running down my face? I haven't eaten for the last 2 days...been drinking protein shakes...a ton of water and some'd think the scale would show that, but no of course not, it shows I have gained! UGH! So even when I am depressed and not eating, my scale has to be nasty to me too? How can I gain if I am not eating! Usually I can plaster a smile on my face and fake it till I get my happy back...but right now I don't have the energy to even fake it... I honestly don't know what to do. I really feel like a failure right now. I feel a heaviness bearing down on me. I just want to lay in bed in a dark room and be left alone. I don't feel like me anymore..


  1. It is okay to be dissappointed. You don't have to pretend to be happy.

    It is hard for men to understand that we really don't need their "help" when things don't go our way. Their suggestions and insights into why it wasn't right to begin with really just make it worse. On some level that translates to, "You were wrong to want this so much." which can just intensify the dissappointment.

    I am very sorry it didn't work out. That stinks.

  2. Honey - be very careful do not want to slip into depression that you can't get out of before it's too late. Go see a could need help. You've been through sooo much lately...and there's no shame in reaching out and asking for help. I'm worried about you. Please take care.

  3. I totally agree with Drazil!! You appear to be slipping into a serious Depression, and you may need some help. It isn't anything to be ashamed of, we all need some help from time to time. And with your recent problems, it is totally understandable!! Please go see the Doc.