I have been MIA...time for an update...

Wow...I can't hardly believe I haven't blogged in a month..

I will give you a brief update to what has been going on...

1st band wise...I was on a plateau that just was sooo frustrating...My weight would go up a lb, down a lb, and just continue in that cycle. But..I didn't give up, I kept working out and kept at it and last week got a fill..and now I am losing again. My weight started with 16 this morning...and I am just thrilled! Weighing in today at 169, total of 109lbs gone!

My life:

*In november I had to travel to Atlanta Ga for a week for work. I was scared to death...I have only flown 1 time, and never by myself...and I have never ridden a train thing in the city...but I did it, I had a blast and it felt sooo good working in an office again. I got to eat out at really nice restaurants, enjoy the big beautiful city of Atlanta and meet some fun people. I really enjoyed it.

*My cousin died, 1 days before Thanksgiving. It's been really hard. He was a couple years younger than me, living in Arizona in medical school studying to be a Dr. He died in a car accident, alcohol was involved. It's so sad...My Uncle his dad is taking it very hard, really the whole family is. It's just so sad. I was not able to go to the memorial...too expensive for plane tickets and we didn't have the $.

*my husband QUIT! He quit the church here...he resigned and Sunday is his last day. If you have been following my blog you know how things have been here. We finally decided we needed to do this, for the sake of our sanity, our family,,, our lives. They thought we should put ministry before our family, and we have had enough. In this economy this is a scary move. But I feel at peace. We have bought a house in Indiana, on the tip of Kentucky, we will be 5 minutes away from Louisville Ky. I am super excited. With my job I can live anywhere..but I don't make enough to support us...he is looking for a job and has started applying...so please pray he finds one soon! This is a big move...but I am so excited...excited to get out of ministry, excited to move near a big city again, excited to move away from the western slopes of Colorado.

and let me leave you with some new pics!

I have alot of blogs to read and catch up on!

I have missed all of you!

Re:Focus, so goodbye BLT's!

It's time to Re:Focus.
I haven't been cheating pig out style..but there have definetly been some more BLT's lately (Bites, Licks and Tastes).
I think I am somewhat happy where I am at, not fully, but happier then I have been in a long time. And that has resulted in me slacking just a bit....well NO MORE!
I am determined to get these last 20 or so lbs off and do it now, not months down the road. I want to reach goal and starting today, that will be my #1 focus.
I work better when I have some goals written down that I am shooting for..so here are a few goals.

By Thanksgiving, I want to weigh 168, which would put me down 110lbs. Thats losing 8lbs in 3 1/2 weeks...which is hard at this stage of the game, but I am going to work towards it.
By Christmas, I want to weigh 160, which is my original goal weight on my ticker.
By Valentines day, I want to weigh 155 which I think is my final goal weight.

me, my band, and I

Its been awhile since I have had the time to blog..so this will probably be a random mush of stuff...

As I posted last time, it's been a year since my surgery. Having the surgery was the best decision I have ever made. It has changed me in so many ways. And while I am still not at my goal weight, I am getting close. My ticker says 160lbs for my goal, and I really need to update that....once I decide what my goal weight is. I know I want to be less than 160...but when I picked that number it seemed so out of reach, I thought if I could make it there I would be fine. I am thinking somewhere around 150...but I haven't fully decided yet. Band wise I had another fill on Tuesday. He asked me how much I wanted and I said 1cc..so that is what he gave me. I am feeling much more restriction..which is what I needed for sure. My weight loss had slowed down some..so I am really hoping this fill will get things moving again. I went shopping at Kohls last weekend...fit into a size 10pair of jeans...and a medium sweater. I tell you, that is just such a great feeling...I got 3 new pair of pants, and 3 new shirts. I need so much more than that..but I was lucky I scrounged up the $ for what I got.

In other news..I am still pretty down. Things have just been tough. Very tough. and stressful. I can't really share too much for fear someone from the church will stumble on to my blog somehow..but lets just say, the way we are being treated is not right..it hurts...and its getting old. I am getting so burned...and burned out...and its affecting us. our kids. our lives. How many times do you turn the other cheek? How much more can we bear and stay whole? How many more ways can we be stretched without breaking? I honestly think these things are why I am so consistent with my workouts....they relieve me of my stress...and when I am punching and kicking ....I feel in control...and I feel great, and my stress is gone for however long I work out for. But, since I can't work out 24/7, I need to figure out how some things can change. My oldest asked me why I have been so grumpy lately. I feel myself drawing away...seperating myself from people when we are in public situations. I don't want to make small talk. I haven't been answering my phone either...I don't want to talk to people. Just my hubby and my girls. I am trying to shake myself out of this... We have this whole weekend off...it's only our 2nd weekend off in 2 years. I am going to get to sleep in 2 days in a row..and not have to go anywhere...I am so looking forward to a peaceful weekend at home..away from stress, and problems, and the drain of constanly trying to pretend that I am peachy keen and happy.

And one last thing...a question for those of you with bands....do you find yourself cold? I am almost constantly freezing...my hands and feet turn purple...I am just cold almost all the time....I asked both my regular dr and my band dr, and all they have said is my body has to adjust from losing the weight....but I don't know if thats it? I mean it's been a year now..how long does it take to adjust? Anyone else struggling with this?

It's been a year!

I have been missing in action lately...I have alot of blogs to read and catch up on. Life has been hectic crazy busy...but good.

It's been a year since my surgery. I have lost 102 lbs and am inching closer to my goal. I feel great. I have energy. I love to work out. I can do so many things that I couldnt..and feel so much better than I did 1 year ago...feel better physically and emotionally.

Here are some new pics of me 100lbs down....

Have a great day everyone!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I finally reached 100lbs down! I was so excited this morning when I got on the scale, I giggled! It feals great to reach this milestone!

Still Struggling....

It's been a long week..

I am still really down in the dumps and not feeling like myself....

My weight loss has really slowed down all the sudden....this last 10 lbs is coming off so slow...I am now 99lbs down and been waiting and waiting for this last lb to come off so I can be 100lbs down and the scale is just not cooperating with me....if things are still feeling the same bandwise by middle of next week, I am going to make an appt for a fill. I want to get this last 20 some lbs off of me and get to my goal weight...whatever I decide that will be...

I did a new workout Wednesday, one of the Biggest Loser workouts with Bob, and we were doing these high kicks and man oh man, I pulled a muscle in my back...so I skipped my workout yesterday because my back is really hurting...which then made me feel like I was being lazy...and it's still hurting bad today, but I don't want to skip my workout...my workouts make me feel good, and for a short time make me feel better and not so down...

I know some of you put comments on my last blog saying to be careful, that it sounded like depression. It is...I know thats what I am struggling with...but I am hoping I will just shake out of it like I usually do....I know alot of it has to do with my weight loss slowing down, and the stress we are under at our church....

Have a great weekend everyone!

down in the dumps...

I have been kind of down in the dumps lately..
and I just can't seem to shake it...
Some of the things I am upset about:
* I miss fall. We are on the western slopes of colorado and its not pretty here at all..no red or orange leaves, no cooler weather yet....I am a midwest girl and miss fall alot! It's my favorite season..I miss pumpkin patches and apple orchards...
* My job is very stressful right now, I HATE working from home...
* Things at the church are not any better..in fact just keep getting worse and worse...and I know this by far is the biggest thing affecting me..

I just start crying...and sometimes I have a hard time stopping..
I am getting headaches from the stress. and just feel so down...
Exercise helps...but even after an hour or two that high wears off...
I really don't know what to do...

Giving up on zumba......at least for awhile...

Happy Friday everyone!

It's been awhile, and I am sorry about that...life has been hectic crazy..I am almost caught up on reading everyones though, sounds like last weekend was a blast!

Bandwise, I am back down to what I was before my vacation, actually I am lower than my previous low. Only 2 more to go to hit 100lbs down. My next fill appt is not until the end of November, I may move that up, going to give it another week or so...but I can take huge bites of things, I can eat bread with no problem...but my appetite is staying in check...

Now I have been doing Zumba faithfully, along with other exercise, but mostly zumba for like 7 months now. It's getting to where I can do it and not feel like I have really worked out. I sweat and I know I am burning calories...but I just dont feel like it's giving me what it used to. I have started doing Tae Bo advance live dvd. OH MY GOSH! It totally kicks my butt! So...going to focus on doing that and my elliptical for awhile to change up my exercise routine...

Have a great day!

Back from vacation....ready for another one!

I have been away from blogging for almost 2 weeks. We were on vacation from work and some of my husbands family came to stay with us for a week. It had been 2 years since we had seen them...and it was a blast having them here! My girls have missed their Grandma and Grandpa alot! So it was great seeing them reconnect. And I get along with my inlaws, in fact I am closer to my mother in law then my own mom. They had lots of good things to say about my weight loss, so that was nice!

We basically just showed them around Colorado..the mountains and Black Canyon, etc. We stayed up late at night talking and playing card games. It was a relaxing, peaceful week and a half. I loved every minute of it, and it was really hard to say goodbye when they left.

Ok, about how I did band wise. I took a week off. It is the 1st time since I have been banded that I didnt weigh every day, obsess about what I was eating, and work out. I had ice cream for the 1st time since I have been banded. As a result on yesterday when I stepped on the scale I wasn't too happy...for the 1st time I had gained weight. But already have a couple of them gone, and in a couple days I will be back down to where I was, so I am not too mad. I had a great vacation, and I refuse to have regrets. This is not a diet, but instead a lifestyle and if I want to let go one week out of almost a whole year, well then I can't turn around and beat myself up over it.

I have lots of blogs to read to catch up, but I hope you are all doing great!

I will close it by sharing some pictures from my vacation.

My new outfit

I had a nice long weekend. We were busy most of it cleaning and getting our house ready for company. My hubby's mom, his stepdad, his sister and her husband are coming to stay with us for a week. It will be great to see them, it's been almost 2 years! My girls have missed their Grandma so much..and since my family doesn't have anything to do with us, all they have is his family.

Here is a picture of my my hubby took Sunday before church, it's my new skirt I bought...I love it! I see pictures of this like me and I can't hardly believe it's me...and it also makes me wanna keep going, and losing! I am so close to 100lbs down now...I love my band!

My Dr appt today

Today I had my Dr appt. I haven't seen my Dr in 2 months...and I was anxious for a fill.

So, first off they weighed me, down 18lbs in the 2 months since I have been there. So that was cool! It's been a really great 2 months for me...I know it won't last, but I am enjoying it!

So the Dr walks in the room and does a double take, and says "you are just disappearing on me". That was sooo cool to hear. He told me good job on the weight loss, and asked why I wanted a fill, since I was losing so well. I said I am following the band rules, but my hunger has increased the last couple of weeks. He said, well you have lost 6 lbs every month for 3 months in a row...so ok, I will give you one. Well, he was confused, it's only been 2 months since I have been there, so I have lost 9lbs a month for 2 months...but I wasn't going to correct him since that would have probably meant no fill...So I hopped up on the table and he gave me .5 of a fill. And boy, restriction! I felt it right away as I was drinking my water, I took a healthy swig and it went down so slow I was afraid it wasn't going to go down...and he watches too to see if he needs to remove any, and I didn't want any out....I got it down!
So I am doing liquids today...and probably liquids and mushies tomorrow. My next appt is in 3 months, the Tuesday before Thanksgiving...I have mixed feelings about that...but I am going to keep it. It will keep me on track for Turkey day!

The more I lose, the more hungry I am to lose, if that makes sense....I just keep pushing myself to keep that scale moving down..I know if I stop, or take a week or two off, I will lose my momentum and it will be harder to get it going again. I want to get this weight off of me and get to my goal. Which I did ask my Dr about today, my goal weight. He got out his little chart and said 146lbs for my height would be the high end of a good weight for me. He said he would be happy to see me at 150, 146 would be great, and 140 would be in the middle of my weight range. So, on here my 1st goal is 160, I always knew I would want to go lower than that. So I think my ultimate goal will be 146...but I think I would be happy with 155. So...I guess I will just take it a day at a time, and see how I feel as I get down there....

Happy Thursday Everyone!

Sorry I'm not sorry

I am stealing this idea from a couple of others that did it

Sorry I'm not sorry!

I have now made myself a priority. That means I will make time to work out 5-6x a week. Because it's important to me. Because for years I did for others, and never did for myself. I put my needs aside constantly to meet other peoples needs. Not anymore! I will take 30min to 1 hour 5-6x a week to work out. I don't care if that makes us late to something, or if you have to wait on me.

Sorry I'm not sorry!

I don't care that I got a tattoo. I don't care that the church does not like it. I don't care that they don't want me to get another one. I like tattoos. I love the one I got, and I want another, and possibly another one...and who knows maybe another one. It looks good. It makes me feel good when I see it. And it has meaning to me. There is NOTHING wrong with getting one and/or having one. YOU have an issue with it,not me. It was not a sin. I did not cause anyone teenagers in our ministry to rebel, most don't even know I got it. Most don't care. Most care about who I am and whats inside of me, rather than whats on the outside...which is what matters anyway, right?

Sorry I'm not sorry!

I am not the same person I was 96lbs ago. I am standing up for myself now. I am not going to be a doormat any longer. I will voice my opinions, even if they are different than yours. I am an adult, and capable of having a mind of my own, a voice of my own and an opinion of my own. I understand I have to be a good example to teens, and I am. They love me. I am spending countless hours ministering to them, making a difference in their life...I don't do it the same way you do, but I am doing it my way. And it's working. So quit trying to get us to do everything your way.

Sorry I'm not sorry!

My family. I found out 2 nights ago when My grandma died my dad got a TON of money. That was encouraged to be shared among his kids. I have not seen a penny. not one. In fact when I asked about the will, I was told by my dad, there was no $ left it was all spent on healthcare. I was lied to. They don't speak to me because I moved away, and made my own choices and decisions, and didn't run to them for advice and help in my marriage, or with my kids. They wanted me to continue to do things their way, with their help. I am an adult. When you get married, you are supposed to make decisions with your husband, not your parents. But because I did it that way, you don't talk to me? you don't talk to your kids? and now you lie to me. We could use the money...we need the money. But don't worry, I won't come begging. You want it, you can have it.

Sorry I'm not sorry.

Oh man, this feels good...I think I could go on and on...but I better stop and call it a night.

95lbs down!

Today I weighed 183!

So I am officially now 95lbs down!

My next short term goal is 100lbs down by Sept 13th!

I had an amazing weekend...I hope everyone else did too!

"Your so tiny" those words were like magic to my ears!

I had a great NSV last night.

Those that follow my blog know that my husband is a youth pastor. We had 3 of our former students from our youth group in IL drive here this weekend to spend the weekend with us. We are close to them, we were their leaders from the time they were in 7th grade, till their senior year..and they have been out of high school now for a couple of years.

So anyway, they got here and when I walked into the room to greet them, theirs jaws dropped. And one shouted out "Susie your so tiny now"...I could of died right there of happiness. And one of the others picked me up in a bear hug and said I looked amazing!

I am looking forward to a great weekend with them! and hopefully, the scale will keep moving downward this weekend. I want to weigh 183 by Monday, so thats 2 more lbs to lose!

Have a great weekend everyone!

I finally beat my plateau!

It took me almost 2 weeks...but finally the scaled moved again in the positive direction!

It took me upping my workouts and measuring my food again and following the band rules strictly!

When I updated my ticker today, I noticed I have 25lbs exactly to lose to reach my 1st goal of 160. I have no idea why I picked that to be my 1st goal...I definetly want to lose more than that. How do you pick your goal weight?

I am going to ask my Dr at my next appt how to pick a goal weight. I go 1 week from today, and I can't wait for a fill!

Have a great day everyone!

a tough week, so time to get back to basics

Ok, so things these last couple of months have been going good. Weight has been consistently coming off, no band issues, no pb, no getting stuck...life has been great band/weight wise.
then last week happened. I was down to 186, 92 lbs down, then I went up to 188 for no reason. I was eating right, drinking my water, working out...not doing anything to trigger that...and all week last week, it went up and down, up and down, up and down...and I can't figure out why or whats going on. I cried. I was frustrated. I begged the scale to knock it off.

So today, I am getting back to basics.
I am doing liquids today, and then starting tomorrow back to 3 portioned high protein meals and make sure I am exercising hard. Drinking my water. Limiting snacks. and measuring my food.
and I hope to get things back in order.
I have a fill scheduled for 2 weeks, and I can't wait. It's been a couple of months and I need one.
My monday my goal is to be 183. Which is 95 lbs down.
and my next goal is to be 178 by 9-13, which will be 100lbs down
Having goals and a plan helps me focus on what I need to do and what I want to accomplish.

Happy Monday everyone!

A nsv and some before/after pictures

I had such an amazing weekend. I had the whole house all to myself all day Friday, all night Friday night and until late Saturday night. My hubby and my girls went on a father/daughter trip to Denver and to a baseball game. It was so nice to have some alone time.

I went shopping Friday night..and got some new clothes, and a new pair of jeans...in SIZE 12! I can't believe it!

so here are some before pics of me in October right after my surgery...

and some from this past weekend (in my new dress and size 12 jeans!)

Thank you Sally for the award! Here are my nominations, and 7 things about me!

I'm supposed to do the following :

1. Thank the person giving the award. Thank you Sally sooo much for this nomination!

2. Share 7 things about yourself. (read below)

3. Nominate 15 newly discovered blogs.

4. Let your nominees know about the award.

Ok, so on to the 7 things about me...

1. I really strongly dislike fake people. I would rather someone be real with me, then pretend to be something they are not. Being in full time ministry, we see our share of fake people. And let me tell you it's no fun. Everyday we encounter people that are one way to our face, and then behind our back say some of the most hurtful and nasty things about us.

2. I have a hard time with the fact my parents don't talk to me. I have always tried to please them...and it hurts to know that I don't. And even though they never talk to me, I still try. I say all the time, this will be the last time I try...and a week or two later I try again. They haven't spoken to me in over a year...yet I continually try. I have 3 sisters, and 1 brother. And the one sister, even though she has messed up her life, done and said things constantly that hurt them, they choose her and her kids over the rest of us. After years and years of this, it still hurts. I don't borrow $ from them, I don't run to them over every little issue in my life, my husband and I are paying our own way in life, making our own choices and decisions....and thats the problem. Because I don't run to them for everything...they can't stand it. They are control freaks..and want to control us. It hurts that my daughters will never have them...they don't even send them birthday or christmas cards...it hurts sooo bad.

3. I feel like I am changing. As I lose weight, I feel myself thinking differently, and acting differently. I didn't think losing weight would change me, but it is. In good ways I think. I am coming out of my shell, I am standing up for myself more, I dress to stand out more, not to hide. I am standing up taller, and not afraid to try new things. And while I think all of this is good...it has caused some problems also. But I am not going back to the person who let people walk all over me. I like the new me...and if others don't like it, I almost don't care anymore. Is this good? Probably not...

4. I love to work out now. My favorite is Zumba. I feel strong and sexy when I am doing it. I love getting all sweaty, I love pushing myself, I love the feeling of accomplishment I get afterwards. I am also doing my elliptical regularly now and I love that. And I am also occasionally jogging, which I never thought I would be able to do. I love how I feel when I get finished...and I make sure its a a priority at least 5x a week...I don't ever want to be inactive again!

5. I really don't like my job. Well, let me rephrase that...I don't necessarily hate it, I just hate the fact that I have to work from home. I am thankful I have a job, and I don't mind what I do...but having to do it at home, away from people is what I hate. I was allowed to keep my job when we moved because of my husband changing jobs and we moved to a different state...so I am thankful they allowed me to keep it and do it from home..but I have been working from home now for almost 3 years...I miss people. I miss the chance to advance in my job. I miss dressing up. I miss working in an office enviroment.

6. I LOVE working in youth ministry. I know I have said several things about not liking being in ministry because of the fake people we have to deal with, and how people use us...but I have ALWAYS loved working with teens. I love mentoring them, hanging out with them, I love the all night slumber parties, I love speaking into their lives, I love counseling them....I LOVE every aspect of youth ministry!

7. I really miss the midwest. I think Colorado is beautiful, I love the mountains...but I miss home. I miss real trees. I miss lakes. I miss fishing and camping in the woods. I miss midwest people. The city we live in is small...and the closest mall is 90 min away...I miss malls! Living 30 minutes away from the Mall of America spoiled me....

People here are different...cowboys everywhere...it's just not me...I don't really like it here....

Well, thats some facts about me.

Now for the last part, some blogs that speak to me, I am not going to list 15 here...I am such a rule breaker! I am just going to list a few of the many that speak to me (in no order):

http://justmedrazil.blogspot.com/ her blog speaks to me each and every post...she makes me think and I love reading it!

http://losingweightgainingtons.blogspot.com/ I love reading Sarah's. She was one of the 1st ones I started to read, and I have alot in common with her. She has been such an inspiration to me!

http://lapbandgalsjourney.blogspot.com/ She is having so much success and I love reading hers for the inspiration!

http://thatgirlsforeverdiet.blogspot.com/ She has had so much success to and was one of the 1st ones I followed, and we had some similiar set backs as we both had band issues that we had to get fixed.

http://sallyslapbandjourney.blogspot.com/ I get inspired with her ideas, suggestions and helps. Plus she is at goal, and its awesome to see someone succeed and then continue to succeed!

http://carasquest.blogspot.com/2010/08/fat-days-vs-thin-days.html She has helped me so much on my journey...she understands my situation with my family and I just love her!

Goodbye 90lbs!

Yep, I have now lost 90lbs!!

Goodbye 90lbs...I will NEVER see you again...and you are no longer welcome on me!!

Happy Dance! Join me!

Woo Hoo!!

My weight is now starting with 18.....Today I am at 189, and that is 89lbs down!

Only 1 more lb to lose to reach 90 down! My goal is to reach 100 lbs down by my 1 year band anniversary date...and I have 2 months to reach that, so it's totally do-able!

I am doing a happy dance this morning! Have a great Tuesday!

Lazer tag...go karts...an amazing day!

Yesterday was a huge NSV for me!

We took our Jr High kids from church on a fun trip yesterday to a place called Bananas. I took the day off and went with. And for the first time ever I got in a Go Kart. I was always too afraid before that I wouldn't fit...and to be honest, I was still afraid I wouldn't. But my husband forced me to face that fear, he said you will fit, I promise! and I did! and oh my gosh, what a blast! It was sooo much fun.
Then we went to the Lazer Tag area. And again, I was afraid. Thinking no way that vest is going to fit me. Thinking no way physically I would be able to do this. But I faced my fear, and of course the vest fit. And after exercising for 10 months..of course I could do it, and did. I had so much fun running, and dodging and shooting...it was a blast!
And today, I am 88 lbs down...and so close to having my weight start with a 18.
I love my band!
Happy Friday!

Back to basics is working!

My scale moved!!

Yesterday, 193. Today, 191!

I am down 87 lbs now...and soooo close to having my weight start with a 18! and I can't WAIT for that to happen!

I will continue to do the following this week: exercise every day! drink lots of water! small portions! and protein fruits and veggies!

NSV! what? my butt looks good?

Ok, well my scale hasn't budged in almost a week..

so I decided to go to Maurices and try on some clothes.

I haven't tried Jr size stuff on in awhile, so I thought what the heck, I will give it a go.

Grabbed a size 17 jr size of jeans. too big. so, I grabbed a 15 jr size pr of jeans. too big. the saleslady comes to check on me, and Im bawling. i had to tell her I was ok, just excited the pants were too big, then I had to explain I have lost 86lbs, so she offers to get me size 13. I thought to myself, NO WAY THEY WILL FIT. and THEY DID! they slid right on, zipped right up...and I looked good. My butt ecspecially, ha! I was SOOO EXCITED! and I think the saleslady was more excited than me!

so, as far as my scale goes, this week its back to basics. Lots of protein, working out every day, no snacks and small helpings! and that scale will move!

me...walking around in a swimsuit???

Yep, I did!

I took the day off yesterday to spend the day with my girls...
Monday night we went to the drive in, just the 3 of us...sat in the back of our van with the door up, surrounded by blankets and pillows and popcorn and candy and watched Eclipse and Letters to Juliette! and we had a blast!

Then tuesday we slept in, went out for lunch and drove up in the mountains and spent the day swimming in the hot springs. It was the first time I can remember where I didn't worry about how I looked in a swimsuit...I just walked around and felt normal. Now, I still have weight to lose, and I am not thrilled with how I look yet...but I walked around confidently. I didn't try to hide or cover up...I just was normal. And wow...what a great feeling!

Happy Hump day everyone!

85 lbs down now!

I hit 85lbs down!

I am a little less than 3 months away from being banded for 1 year...and I really hope to hit 100lbs down by my 1 year mark!

And my short term goal is to lose 3.5 lbs this week....so my weight will start with 18!

proof is in the pudding!

I like looking at this...my face before and after....my before one was right before my surgery, in Oct 09. My after pic is from last weekend. I can see so many improvements...my neck, my double chin, my eyes look bigger withouth the fat squishing them. I can see my cheekbones.

Have a great Tuesday everyone!

Pinch me...I think I'm dreaming

I don't usually do weekly weigh in reports...I weigh myself every day, and if the number changes, I update my ticker and move on.

But...this week...I have lost 4.5 lbs. I can't hardly believe it. Last Friday I weighed in at 198.5 and I was so excited because it meant 80lbs down, and onederland! Today, 1 week later, I weigh 194. I haven't had this big of week in soooo long. I feel like shouting for the world to hear...I am sooo excited about my week.

So...Now I am trying to figure out what I did different...so I can keep this up.
There are 2 things I did different this week.
1st thing, instead of doing my exercise by doing workouts to tapes like Zumba and biggest loser, instead I have either run, outside, a little over a mile. Or I have also started using my Elliptical machine. I am finding by doing these things I am working out more consistently, and harder...and I love it.
The 2nd thing I have done different this week is I have gone back to eating my fruits and veggies...and I really think these things have made a big difference in my weight loss this week.
Now...while I wish I could lose this amount every week...I know that is unrealistic...but boy oh boy..I lost it this week and I am going to enjoy this feeling!

I hope everyone has an amazing weekend!

lesson learned the hard way....and a question for runners

Man did I get sick last night...

I had to take one of our youth girls out for coffee last night...she has some tough situations going on at home and needed someone to talk to...and boy did she talk...we met at Starbucks at 7 and at 8:30 she was still going strong talking and sharing...I ordered a skinny white chocolate mocha (yummy!)
Finally at about 8:40 she was done...so we took off and I quick dropped her off at her house and got home and quickly got changed to go on my run. I got my 9 year old ready and got myself changed and out we went...I was in a hurry because I wanted to get it in before it got dark. And I had decided to push myself and try to run the whole 1.5 miles....so off we went...and I was able to run the whole mile..and fast walked the last .5...and then when I got home I got sick...violently sick..and up came the coffee..and I felt like crap..

So...since I am just starting out as a runner....are you supposed to run on an empty stomach?
or was just the heat, plus coffee, plus pushing myself why this happened?

my scale is continuing to go down!!!!

On friday I hit 80 lbs down and Onederland! After scale being stuck for a long time...

Today, Monday, 197! I am so excited that my scale is continuing to move...downwards!!!
I am going to do everything in my power to keep it moving!!

Having a hard time personally though. My husband took some kids in our youth group on a mission trip...including my oldest daughter. They left at 4am yesterday morning..and won't be back until late Saturday night. It's so hard to be stuck here alone...with no friends or family....I miss him sooo much!!

Have a great Monday everyone!

FINALLY! 80 lbs down and ONEDERLAND!

Yesterday and since June 30th my scale has been stuck at 200.0. Today, 198! I completly bypassed 199 and moved right on to 198. So not only have I reached ONEDERLAND! But I have now lost 80lbs!!! I am soooo excited and happy!

My next goal....90 lbs down by 8-27.

Have a Happy Friday everyone!

I am soo TICKED at the scale...so lets celebrate some NSV's

Well, I seem to be stuck at 200.0 exact..and have been for like a week now...my scale is just not budging! I still think its a conspiracy against me reaching onderland...

So anyway, lets celebrate some great NSV's that I had...

Just for kicks I tried on a pair of size 14 jeans a couple of days ago. I didn't think they would fit...not only did the slide right up and zip up without me sucking in or laying down..but they looked great on me! I couldn't believe it was me in the mirror..I ran right out of the fitting room and showed my hubby...and he said, wow! and then said, we are not buying those, they look to great on you, lol!

On Saturday, I went for my first ever bra fitting. I have never had one before..and I knew I needed to do it to see what size I should be buying...
Let me just say up front..I have huge boobs. and my dream after I am done losing is to have breast reduction surgery...anyway, I was in 48dd before my surgery. She fitted me and I am now a 38c! What a huge difference! and I got a couple new bras and they look and feel great! I am soo glad I did this!

Well, here is hoping that scale starts to respond to my exercise and eating right...and hoping you guys are all doing great!

conspiracy.........and couch to 5k

I have a feeling this is going to be a long post..but I will try real hard to keep it as short as possible..


1st of all..again my stupid scale showed me 200.0 again today....its a conspiracy...I am drinking my water, working out, and eating right....and the stupid scale is moving sooo slow this week...I want my weight to start with a 1! and I want it today! I think it's a conspiracy against me reaching onderland....lol. But..instead of being depressed, and eating my sorrow away...I am treating today like anyother...I have already done 1 hour of zumba..and tonight we are going on a long bike ride..hoping tomorrow my scale will move finally!

Another decision I have made..is I am going to start the couch to 5k plan tomorrow. I printed off the workout plan, downloaded the ipod cast and am going to start this thing tomorrow. I have always wanted to run..and have never been able to, but I think I can now..and I want to try! I am thinking by running it will jump start my weight loss..or at least I am hoping it will.


I am ready for a long holiday weekend! Have a great 4th of July everyone!

200.0

Ok scale...your moving...but geeze, must you move so slow???

This am you showed me 200.0...and even though I got off and on several times, that was the number you kept showing me...you wouldn't show my weight starting with a 1 no matter how hard I tried or how many times I begged and cried...

Tomorrow you better! I will work out today! I will drink my water. I will make wise food choices. and tomorrow you better show my weight starting with a 1!!

And those are some new pics of me that we took Sunday before church...

c'mon scale and move already...I want my weight to start with a 1

My scale is being stubborn. And is ignoring all my good efforts and attempts to get it to budge. I have sweet talked it, yelled at it, and even kicked it...with no response...

It has remained at 201 for days on end...with no movement..
I want SO BAD for my weight to start with a 1. Why oh why hasn't it happened yet? If I remember correctly...alot of people get stuck trying to reach onederland...its almost like we are being jinxed

Well scale, I am doing my part today to get you to move..so tomorrow you better do your part. I have already done a 50 minute zumba workout. I am going to do another workout tonight when I get off work. I have already drank 90oz of water...and I will drink some more before bed. And I am eating great today...high proteins, with some fruits and veggies thrown in.

So scale...listen hard and long....and give me a good number tomorrow!!

needing some accountability....so here are some goals of mine

I want to keep this weight loss thing happening...so I am going to follow in the footsteps of some of the people I follow and list some goals that I want to work on...

* I have been so consistent in working out at least 5x a week...until I went to camp...that threw everything off and I couldnt work out that week..and I have been back now for a week, and haven't started back up again. So...I want that to be my first goal...I want to start waking up early in the morning and getting my workout in. Either Zumba, or Biggest Loser Last Chance workout, or my bootcamp dvd workout...at least 5x a week. And then at least 3 nights a week, either a family walk, or a family bike ride.

* I will get back to eating protein first at my meals. And I also need to include more fruits and veggies...I have not been getting enough of those in. I also need to cut back on my carbs...I lose quicker when I stay away from those, I want some in my diet, but not alot. I LOVE bread, and when I start, its hard to stop...so for me to stay away is better

* I need to stop spending so much time worrying about when I will reach my next goal, sometimes I tend to worry so much about where I am headed, that I don't take the time to look at where I have been and how far I have come. While I don't want to relax or settle here...I need to realize that I have done well so far on this journey and celebrate what I have accomplished

* I want to be able to not worry about what everyone says to me...the comments that I hear everytime I am at church...things like you need to eat more, you need to stop losing, are you doing it the healthy way.....I am such a people pleaser...so I let that stuff burden me down. I want to learn to shake off the negative junk and not worry about it.

Have a great weekend everyone!

Confidence? What a new feeling!

It seems I am constantly being suprised by this journey of weight loss that I am on...

Confidence...something I haven't had for a very long time...but lately I am finding myself some.

I weigh 202 today. Down 76 lbs. I haven't weighed under 200 since high school. When I went off to college at the age of 17 I weighed like 205, and was in size 18. I am now smaller then when I was 17. My husband has never seen me weigh less then 205...till now...My dr asked me yesterday when was the last time I weighed under 200, and thats what got me to thinking about all this...

It's amazing what this weight loss has done to my confidence. I find myself not hiding all the time. While at camp last week with 400 high school kids...I joined in all the activities. I wore shorts without stressing about it. I was active..and participated...instead of hiding....I find myself being more outgoing. I am dressing in clothes that accentuate my body...rather than hiding it. I have actually even started tucking my shirts in and wearing a belt..which I never ever ever did before. It's an amazing feeling...and I am loving every minute of it!

Confidence? Yep, I am starting to have some!!

Camp was amazing...it was hard to come back home

I am back from camp.

and it was AMAZING! We really bonded with the kids from our youth group that went with us. And we all had a blast hanging out together....tho I don't know if I have ever been so tired. I was up till 1am or later every night..and back up at 530 in the morning. We were busy pretty much from morning till late at night. The food there was fattening, but they did have a salad bar, so that is pretty much what I ate from. I ended up gaining a pound, but its already off along with another one...

I had a dr appt today, I am down 9.8 since my appt 4 weeks ago. My dr was thrilled with my results so far. He almost didn't give me a fill, he said 9lb loss in 4 weeks was perfect and I shouldn't try to lose more than that. I finally begged hard enough that he gave me one, but said he didn't want to see me again until the end of Aug...unless my weight loss stops. He said I am losing anywhere from 8-11 lbs a month consistently and gave me a quiz about my hunger etc and he said I am at my sweet spot...and he doesn't want to mess with it. So...while it was great hearing how happy he is with how I am doing..it makes me nervous about not going back every month....but, I guess I will just see how it goes...

I am soooo close to onderland...I can't wait!

75 lbs down and gone for a week!

I hit 75lbs down this morning! and weighing in at 203 means I am almost to onederland! and I can't wait to hit that one!

My hubby and I leave this morning to take 18 kids from our youth group to camp. I will have 10 teenage girls in my dorm room all week. So it's going to be a week with little sleep, lots of activities and camp food. So I am nervous about gaining this week....I have already been told it's a lot of pasta, pizza, chicken nuggets..things like that. And I also wont have time or the means to exercise....I am hoping to get up early and walk, but we will see......I am bringing some protein bars, fiber bars, plain almonds, dried pineapple and pretzel sticks with...I really really really hope I don't gain...and I am still able to lose this week! I will be strong! and stay away from the junk!

Have a great week everyone!

Your getting too skinny.....um, excuse me???

Hmmm...

ok, so those that follow me know my husband is a youth pastor and we are very involved in our church...and at times I love it, and other times, its frustrating. It leads to a life of no privacy, being "on" 24/7, being watched, judged, talked about, etc...

Wednesday night at church, I was approached by 2 different people concerned that I am getting "too skinny"....I seriously wanted to laugh. I wanted to tell them I am still over 200 (204 lbs to be exact). I am NOWHERE near being too skinny. Were these people I was friends with...it would be a different story...but I was not "feeling the love" if you know what I mean.

Then later that night my husband says "so and so came to me and pulled me aside tonight out of concern for you"...she said I was getting too small, she was concerned I was not losing it healthy and so on....now this lady never said anything to me..why the need to talk to him instead of me?

Now...maybe I should just be thrilled people are noticing. Maybe I should feel that people care. but I don't. This has just made me mad. I can see if I was in a size 2, then maybe they could say I am getting too skinny...but I am in a size 16 in most things..c'mon...I am not skinny! I still have alot to lose...and a long way to go. I don't think they are doing this out of concern...but instead being nosy, busybodied people...and I was, and still am...frustrated....

any advice?

getting soooo close I can taste it!

I am at 204lbs....

one pound away from 75 lbs down....

and 5 lbs away from onederland....

I can't wait for me to reach these milestones! I am doing everything in my power to reach them very soon!!!!!!

Have a great day everyone!

I really dislike Mondays...

but I have made it through my workday..which is the part of Monday I don't like...

I had a good weekend..busy, but good. Got out of my blahs for the most part.

My scale is back down, so that helps. We had an all day youth event Saturday outside...and I played volleyball..it was sooo much fun. Last summer I wouldn't play anygames...now I am playing volleyball, kickball and even thinking about signing up for our churches co-ed softball team in the fall. I can't believe the changes in me! I also wore shorts to this event....and I haven't worn shorts in public in forever...

So..I am going thru something I know some of you have had to experience..and that is where I see pictures of myself..and I don't recgonize myself.....I honestly don't. I can't believe that it is in me in the pictures...I am fascinated by it. I keep taking and taking pictures of myself and looking at them...I find myself looking at my collar bones, I haven't seen them in forever..and my face is missing its double chin..and my legs are getting smaller..and my waist..I have one.....its all sooo exciting! but kind of weird too...ha!

Have a great day everyone!

still kinda blah...but have new pics

Here are a couple of pics my hubby took of me last weekend...down 73lbs...

since I'm down and in the dumps..thought maybe looking at a couple of new pics would cheer me up.

I'm glad it's Friday!

kinda blah...

I have a case of the blah's...and I can't seem to shake them...

They started when we started driving home Monday from vacation...just knowing I was coming back here got me down...I don't like my job ( my job is not so bad, its working from home that I hate), things with my hubby's job aren't the best...and not liking where we live...it kinda all added up and got me down..
then Tuesday stepping on the scale and seeing that I had gained really upset me...now granted I have already taken off most of what I had gained...but it frustrates me to no end that now I am behind that many days in losing...I hate gaining!
So anyway...I am down in the dumps...working out helps...but then when the "high" wears off...I am back to being down....and I have been crying alot...
I think tonight I am going to get my house cleaned...and go to bed early, maybe a good nights sleep will help....

an AMAZING weekend away...but I am mad at the scale

We had an amazing weekend.
My daughters team ended up winning the softball tournament! She pitched most of the games and did a great job! She also hit really well, had 3 triples, and some doubles. They played 3 games Saturday, 4 games Sunday....so we were at the fields most of those days. But it was fun to see her competing and doing so great.
The condo was amazing, the best part being the hot tub...which I enjoyed very much. The town was filled with outlet stores..so that is what we did Monday. That was sooo much fun! We went into the Levi outlet, and I tried on a pair of size 16 skinny jeans..and they were tooo big! and oh my gosh, the size 14 slipped right up! They were a little tight in the tummy..but I got them up and buttoned! Then we went to the Old Navy outlet. I got a jean miniskirt and a couple of new shirts! all for under 15$! All in all an amazing weekend!
But today, when I got on the scale, it showed up 3lbs! No freaking way thats possible! I am pretty upset...but hoping by tomorrow it will drop back down. I really did watch what I ate all weekend for the most part...but did have quite a few starbucks coffee drinks...and a few more sweets then I normally eat...plus no excercise and not as much water drinking as I normally do. So maybe I shouldnt be suprised about the weight gain...I am getting back on track today...my goal is back to working out today, back to my 100 oz of water, and 3 small protein high meals. and hopefully a couple of days of that will cause that scale to move back down!

I am SOOO READY to get away for a 3 day weekend!

It has been a long week...and it's only Thursday.

Work wise it's been a stressful week. Life wise it's been a stressful week. Band wise things are great. Why can't work, band and life ever match up??

My daughter is on a traveling softball team, and she has a big tournament this weekend...and for the 1st time this year we will be able to go with her. My husband took Sunday off from work and we are leaving tomorrow the minute I get off work and not coming back until late Monday night. This is our 1st "vacation" in over 2 years...and the fact that 3 days away sounds like heaven makes me realize how much I need this...and for this to happen more often! Her tournament starts Sat, ends Sunday afternoon...and it's abou 4 hours away. We rented a condo...with a hot tub...a loft for the girls to sleep in and our own bedroom and I CAN'T WAIT! It's going to be sooo great to get away from here and go somewhere we are not known...and watched. In between games we are going to swim, relax, play some games with the girls and just get some great family down time. I will have to be careful though and watch what I eat since we will be eating out most of our meals. I plan on bringing some healthy snack/meal options along with me though. I don't want my 3 day weekend to set me back losing wise...

I hope everyone has a safe, healthy, happy memorial day weekend!

I love my band! I love restriction!

Pinch me.

I have to be dreaming.

Yesterday the scale was 208....today 206. I got off and on a whole bunch of times. Since my Dr appt where I got my big fill last Thur I have dropped 5 lbs. In less then a week. Wow! I know this won't last...but boy oh boy am I enjoying it while it does. It feels soooo good to finally feel my band working...to feel it helping me, and stopping me from eating more than I am supposed to. I haven't had to snack between meals...my 3 meals a day are keeping me full. I LOVE this!

I LOVE MY BAND! FINALLY!

70 LBS DOWN!!!

I am now at 70lbs down!

My fill last Thursday is great!! I for the first time am feeling restriction...feeling my band working..and getting full on small amounts of food!

My next goal is 80lbs down by end of June!

69 lbs down now....and a great dr visit yesterday...so this is what restriction feels like!

Ok, wow...I am finally feeling restriction. I thought I had felt it before...but man, I have never truly felt it.

I went to my Dr appt yesterday, and I sat there and told him everything I have been feeling. I shared that after a fill for about a week I would feel some slight restriction, I would lose, and then it would all stop and go away. He layed me down, took all the fluid out, then put it all back in and 2 more cc on top of it. He had me lay there and drink and kept adjusting it until it was where I could really tell. and wow! what a difference. For the 1st time, I had a true pb...and that was about an hour after my dr appt when I was trying to drink a slimfast. I can't drink fast anymore...I have to slowly sip. and for the first time ever I am not hungry. and feeling not even interested in food. I am going to do liquids today, mushies tomorrow...and I really really really hope this lasts!!!! I am soooo excited to finally feel like I have a band..and I will have some help in losing the rest of my weight. I am hoping to lose another pound this weekend so that I can finally reach my next goal of 70lbs down. And I can't wait for my weight to not start with a 2!!

Have a great weekend everyone!

sick of the teeter totter game....

I am sorry I haven't blogged in awhile...life has been crazy busy...and to be honest I have been so frustrated lately that I wouldn't have had good things to say...

today my goal was to be down 70lbs...and as you can see by my ticker, here I still sit at 66lbs down. I have gone up and down so much the last 9 days...it's been driving me crazy. I am so sick at myself for not reaching my goal today...and I am sick of my scale not moving down again...I just don't get it. I am doing everything right...and I feel like I am always here in the spot. I get a fill, things go great for a couple of weeks, I feel some restriction, I lose 4-5 lbs..then 2 weeks pass by and my restriction is gone and my weight loss stops. This has been an ongoing cycle for last few months...and it's getting old....I know my weight loss has stalled due to my workout..I am doing alot more weight lifting...but come on...that "excuse" is not working on me so much anymore...my hubby tells me that everyday "quit looking at scale, look at your inches your losing and your clothes"....well, I WANT THE SCALE TO MOVE! Yes, I am happy I am losing inches...but come on...I want the scale to reflect movement...downward movement...

So my next fill is this Thursday...and I am going to sit my Dr down and ask why I can't feel restriction for longer than a week or so...maybe I have a whole in my band? I don't know..but I want some answers. I am sick of going hungry...but I am trying to only eat the amount they say I need....I want my band to work for longer than 1 week every month.....

a Perfect Mothers day..and some pictures to share

Here are some pics from my Mothers day...one of me and my daughters, one of my and my husband and one of just me.

I hope all you mothers had a great mothers day!

I know I sure did. I woke up to homemade bookmark from my youngest daughter Aimee, beautiful cards from my girls and my husband...and they took me out to lunch.

-65 lbs now!!! some new pics to share

Woo Hoo! I hit 65 lbs down this morning!!

Here are some before pictures..and some I took last night!

Last chance workout....holy moly

Ok. I don't get this. I have been working out pretty consistently since November, one month after my surgery. I gradually worked my way up. I started out on low intensity weight watcher workouts..that I couldn't even finish...working my way up to 50 min zumba. Which I can now do all the way to the end.

So...why oh why could I barely do the Last Chance Workout with Jillian today the trainer for Biggest Loser show??? I mean, come on...I am smaller than several of the contestants that were doing the workout. I just got the video and today is the 1st time I did it and it totally kicked my butt. You are constantly moving between cardio and weights and it was hard! and at the end I was sooo frustrated...I have been working out for months now..and this 25 minute workout did me in???? So...this is what I have decided. As much as I love Zumba and think it's a blast...I am putting it up for awhile and going to concentrate on doing this new video, my bootcamp video with Bob and my 30 day Shred dvd...I obviously need to do more intense cardio moves with weights...

If anyone finds themselves looking for a new workout to try...I highly suggest this one..the Last Chance Workout...it's challenging and they say if you stick with it for 6 weeks could lose up to 30 lbs....

At a great spot with my restriction finally!

So, I had an amazing weekend..I am still tired and feel as if I could sleep for a few days and not wake up.

We had an amazing weekend at Acquire the Fire. It was a busy weekend, but a great one. We hung out with the teens we brought from our youth group, went to 3 great concerts, had some amazing services and speakers and ate at fast food restaurants all weekend. I had 7 teenage girls in connecting rooms and we stayed up late talking both nights...and it was a blast!

So, I am at a really good spot restriction wise. This last fill seems to really be working. I was a little worried about gaining weight this weekend given we would have to eat fast food all wknd..but I didnt, and actually lost. My restriction is at a great spot,and I am getting full with less food...and staying full longer. At taco bell 1 hardshell taco filled me up. At Wendys I had a small chili. At Mcdonalds a 4piece nugget happymeal w/apple dippers. And I am staying full 3-4 hours between meals...I finally feel like I have a lapband...and I really really really hope this lasts!!!

5 hour road trip over mtns to Denver+15 passenger van+teenagers+weekend long conference+me & hubby+fast food all weekend=my upcoming weeken

I am a little nervous..but also excited..for my upcoming weekend.

My hubby and I are leaving in the morning for a weekend conference called "Acquire the Fire" in Denver for our youth group. Its a huge weekend long conference for teens with speakers & concerts..will probably easily be 10000 teens or more.We have about 12 kids from our youth group we are taking. We leave early tomorrow morning, and won't return until late Sunday night. We will be eating fast food for every meal all weekend long. I am excited to get out of town, to spend time with some of the amazing teenagers in our youth group, and see them get excited at the conference. But I am nervous about what I will eat all weekend long. I DO NOT want to gain weight this weekend..I want to keep that scale moving down, down, down. I am nervous about not having a scale all weekend..and also there will be no time to work out as the weekend will be super busy.
I have a feeling we will be eating taco bell and mcdonalds pretty much all the time, as the teens won't have alot of $ to spend on meals. Any suggestions on good things to choose at these places? I don't really eat fast food much anymore...

Last nights battle: Susie (me) vs Ben & Jerry's Mud Pie Ice Cream

Ok, so last night I was feeling kinda down and in the dumps...actually the whole day yesterday I was feeling that way.
For one my husband is away on a business trip...and I hate when he is gone. It's really hard here when he is gone...living here in Colorado away from family & friends is hard enough when he's around, when he is gone, it's miserable. I didn't work out yesterday...so that makes me feel like a failure...plus working out just makes me feel better about myself. I had a bad day at work ystrday...I know I say this alot but I truly hate my job. I hate working from home...I am a people person, so to be stuck at home all day with no interaction sucks. So anyway, I was grumpy, depressed and feeling sorry for myself. But I wanted to make it a nice girly night for my girls....and they said they wanted to watch a movie and get some snacks.
So off to the store we went and they decided on ice cream...and while waiting while they picked out what they wanted I saw a new flavor by Ben & Jerry...called MUD PIE. Oh my gosh...it's chocolate coffee Irish cream liquor flavored ice cream with chocolate cookie ribbon through out...and I bought it. Came home, got settled in my sweats and all the while telling myself I deserved this. It will make me feel better. We turned on the movie (the new twilight movie) and I got my spoon and dug in. After about 3 min into the movie looking at the beautiful skinny actress and thinking gosh I wanna look like that, I put the lid on the ice cream and stuck it in the freezer...I had only eaten like 5 bites. I decided ice cream would NOT make everything better. This is huge for me...I have always turned to food for comfort....I won the battle...at least last nights battle. and I enjoyed the rest of the movie with my bottle of water feeling guilt free!

Have a great Wednesday everyone!